


let me be your fortress

by PrettyBrownEyes



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling and Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pet Names, aka Cass projecting her fantasies, can these two let me live, cheek kisses, general cuteness, that one scene in 01x11 that fucked me up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyBrownEyes/pseuds/PrettyBrownEyes
Summary: a rewrite of what could have happened after the cliff scene in 01x11. that fucked me up man.title from "brother" by needtobreathe.





	1. it's your love that brings me home

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all! i'm taking a little break from fulfilling your requests -- your response to those has been amazing! but i needed a little break to just write something for me. this week is going to be crazy for me, so i'm going to really try to finish this and put up at least two or three more requests but we shall see. i'm going to try really hard to finish all of the current requests by the end of the month so I can take more soon. 
> 
> hope you guys like this as much as the other stuff that i've done so far.

 

Tony wrenches Clay back from the edge of the cliff, onto the flat road behind them. He wipes at his own tears, knowing that he needs to be strong for Clay right now.

Clay is sobbing now, his face flushed with his emotions, tears and snot streaking down his face. It’s kind of gross, but Tony still thinks that Clay is the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen.

“I couldn't... I couldn't tell her. I couldn't hold her. I killed Hannah Baker. Like you said,” Clay chokes out. He feels like he’s going to throw up, but he didn’t really eat, so there’s nothing in his stomach to get rid of.

Tony steps in front of Clay, hands out defensively. _“_ I said we all killed Hannah.”

“How am I supposed to live with that?”

“Any way you can.” Tony reaches for Clay, brings him into his chest, lets him cry.

They stand there until Tony loses track of time, holding Clay close to his chest, one hand wrapped tightly around Clay’s shoulders and the other petting the back of his head.

Clay cries, and cries. When he thinks that he’s calmed himself down, everything hits him again, and a new wave of tears releases onto Tony’s t-shirt. Clay begins to shake, violently, and Tony drags him back to the Mustang, still crying. Like you might with a child, Tony guides Clay into the passenger seat of the car, reaching over him to buckle his seatbelt, and, as he pulls away, he drops a gentle kiss on Clay’s forehead.

“It’s gonna be alright.” Tony makes to pull away and close the door, but Clay grabs his forearm in a vice grip.

His eyes are wide, and wet. “Don’t go,” he says. “Please.”

Tony’s heart breaks just a little more. He pets Clay’s hair softly. “I’m not, baby, don’t worry.” _Baby?_ “I’m gonna come right back, I promise you. I’m just gonna get in the car.”

Clay seems halfway satisfied with that answer, because he lets go of Tony’s arm, and Tony closes the door and jogs around to the driver’s side, climbing in. “See?” he says. “I’m right here.”

As soon as the start driving, Tony completely abandons the idea of bringing Clay home. No way is he going to leave him alone in the state he’s in, and he really doesn’t think that Clay is in a place to be explaining things to his mother. He pulls out his phone, dials the Jensen’s home number.

“Hi, Mrs. Jensen,” he says, getting a scared look from Clay in return. They hit a red light, and Tony holds his phone with one hand and reaches over to lace his fingers with Clay’s. “Is it alright if Clay stays over at my house tonight?” There’s some mumbling on the other end of the phone, and she says yes, but he better make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or do any drugs. Tony holds in a laugh and agrees, thanking her, drives on towards his house.

“You’re staying with me tonight, Clay.” Clay just nods, curled up on the passenger seat, looking smaller than Tony’s ever seen him. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his hold on Tony’s hand, sniffling occasionally.

The pair pull up outside of Tony’s house. Tony kills the engine and turns to Clay. “Everyone else is probably asleep,” he says, “if that’s something that worries you.” With shaking hands, Clay unbuckles the seatbelt and opens the door. He’s weak, though, and he grabs onto the roof of the car to keep from falling over. Tony rushes to help him.

“Let’s get you to bed, alright?” The two of them walk inside, Tony supporting Clay’s failing body, and they make it to Tony’s room. It’s small, but it’s cozy, and it smells like Tony, which is good enough for Clay.

Tony only has a twin bed, and Clay sits on the end. “I don’t– I can sleep on the floor,” says Tony.

Clay looks like somebody just kicked his puppy. “Please don’t,” he says, looking and sounding small.

“Alright, baby, we can share,” says Tony. Where the hell did that come from? He’s never called anyone baby. No one. And here he is, using pet names for his best friend, who yeah, he has a crush on, but– whatever. He has to focus on Clay, not his pending crisis.

Clay strips out of his jeans and hoodie, and climbs under the covers. Tony follows suit, losing his shirt and trading his jeans for some sweatpants before crawling into bed behind Clay. He wraps one arm around Clay’s waist, laces their fingers together, presses his chest tightly to Clay’s back, leaves a soft kiss on the nape of Clay’s neck, where his hair ends and skin begins.

“This okay?” he whispers. Clay squeezes his hand.

“Goodnight, baby,” says Tony.

Clay’s already asleep.

 


	2. never leave you all alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> feelings are talked about, brad and tony break up (finally), and of course, more of Tony calling Clay 'baby'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh I'm LOVING writing this and I'm LOVING the response I'm getting from you guys! 
> 
> in case you want to know what I'm writing next, here is the link to my list of what I'm doing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RqYD4D4cxdecNt88x8JFflFetISUH8S8L-CBDaXwhEo/edit?usp=sharing
> 
> hope you enjoy this new chapter, and keep looking out for the third installment as well as everything else I'll be putting up in the next couple of days!

Clay wakes up warm. He realizes that he’s not in his room, and panics for a second before he remembers. Remembers the crying, the comfort, the pet names, sleeping in Tony’s bed with his back pressed to Tony’s chest and feeling the safest he’s felt since before Hannah died. He breathes in the smell of Tony’s room, his bed– it smells like Tony’s cologne, laundry detergent, leather, a little hint of motor oil and gasoline– it’s perfect, comforting, even. His eyes are crusted from his tears and he tries to wipe them away, but his hand is still entangled with Tony’s. His heart flutters without his permission, but Clay doesn’t think about what this might mean. He loved last night, loved the way he felt cared for, and loved. A warm feeling spreads through his stomach as he realizes what could be. 

He feels Tony stir beside him, and he freezes. What if– what if Tony didn’t mean it? What is this was all an accident? The panic returns, and is quickly squashed by the gentle kiss placed on his shoulder and the soft squeeze of his hand. 

“Good morning, baby,” whispers Tony, his voice gravelly with sleep. 

Clay shivers. “You cold, baby?” Tony asks, and doesn’t wait for a reply before tightening his arms around Clay’s middle. 

“I’m okay,” says Clay. “Shouldn’t, we like– I don’t know, talk about it?” 

Tony slowly pulls away from Clay and sits against the pillows. “Do you want to?” 

Clay sits up, too. “I don’t know,” says Clay. “But I think we should.” 

Tony exhales loudly. “I’m sorry if I– I’m sorry if I overstepped,” he says. “I just didn’t know what else to do. Clay, I–” his voice catches in his throat. “I thought you were seriously going to kill yourself. And I don’t know if I could live with that. That two people whose deaths I could have prevented–” a sob builds in his throat, but he swallows around the lump. “Clay, there’s something you should know. And that’s that I have feelings for you, okay? Fuck that, actually. I’m in love with you. I really am. And if that’s something that you need to think about, that’s okay, but I need you as a friend. Desperately.” 

Clay sits for a moment, not saying anything, not moving, not looking at Tony. “What about Brad?” he finally asks. 

Tony sighs. “I love Brad. I do. I’m technically still with him.” He notices Clay tensing beside him. “But I’m not in love with him. Not like I am with you, baby.” 

Clay looks over at him. “I... I don’t think I’m gay,” he says. 

“That’s alright,” says Tony. 

“I’m not even sure I like boys.” 

“I’m not expecting you to change for me, Clay.” 

“I don’t think you need to be gay to like somebody, though.” 

“Also true.” 

“Tony.” There’s a pregnant pause. “I think I love you too.” 

Tony smiles. “I love you so much, baby.” He leans over, slings his arm around Clay’s shoulders, kisses his temple. “Promise me you’re not gonna scare me like you did last night ever again?” 

Clay buries his face in Tony’s bare chest, wraps his arms around his torso. “I promise.” And he means it. 

“I am– I am, still technically with Brad,” says Tony, and the name hangs in the air between them heavily. “I need to talk to him.” 

Clay tightens his arms around Tony’s body. “Please stay,” he says. 

Tony smiles. “I can’t, baby,” he says, regret written all over his face. “If you want this to work, if you want ‘us’ to work, then I’ve got to talk to Brad. I promise I’ll be back soon, okay?” He lands one more kiss to Clay’s cheek before pulling away, out of the bed. “Go back to sleep, baby. I’ll be back before you know it.” He tucks Clay back into his bed, kisses him on the forehead, and leaves to take a shower. While the water gets hot, he texts Brad.  _ Meet me at Monet’s? Need to talk.  _ He knows it’s cryptic, cruel, even, but he thinks Brad knows why he’s asking to meet up. He hasn’t scheduled a date in months. Tony thinks Brad knows what’s about to happen. 

Tony pulls on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, foregoing his jacket, and tiptoes down the stairs. “Buenos días,” a voice calls from the kitchen. 

“Buenos días, Mama,” he says, stepping into the room. 

“You’re just in time, mijo, I’m just about done–” 

“Mama, there are three things you need to know,” says Tony, grabbing a banana from the bowl on the counter. “One, I’m about to go break up with my boyfriend.” Her face wrinkles with worry. 

“But, mijo–” 

“Mama, let me finish,” he says, gently. “Two, the love of my life is Clay Jensen.” His mama laughs. 

“I knew it!” she says. “Your father owes me–” 

“Third,” says Tony, “Clay is upstairs sleeping right now. He– Mama, he almost jumped off of a cliff last night.” 

Her face melds into a saddened look. “Is he–” 

“He’s alright, Mama. But he’s sad, and he’s going to be hungry when he wakes up. So if I’m still gone when he gets up, then feed him, please. I’m going to try to be fast.” 

He kisses her on the cheek, and he’s out the door.

* * *

 

Tony pulls up outside of Monet’s, parks his car, and walks inside. He spots Brad at a table in the corner of the coffee shop, his usually-perfect hair tousled, a pull-over hoodie and sweatpants replacing his usual sleek attire. 

“Hi,” says Tony, softly. “Did you order anything?” 

“No,” says Brad, voice thick with sleep and tears. “Not hungry.” 

Tony sits down across from Brad. “Brad, I–” 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “That I couldn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” 

Tears well in Brad’s eyes as well as Tony’s, and Tony reaches for Brad’s hand. “I love you,” he says. “I love you enough to tell you that there’s never going to be a time where we could be happy together.” 

Brad smiles through his tears. “Thank you,” he says. “For finally being honest.” 

Tony leans over, kisses Brad’s cheek. “I’m still here for you,” he says, “just not romantically, okay? You need anything, you let me know.” 

Brad sighs. “I think I need to be alone for awhile.” 

Tony nods. “I understand.” He goes to stand up, but hesitates. “Can I at least buy you a coffee before I go?” 

Brad gets up, follows Tony to the counter, and orders a hot chocolate. Tony walks him back to the table, waits for him to set his drink down, pulls him into a hug. “You were so good,” Tony says. “This isn’t you, okay?” 

Brad sniffles. “It’s who I wasn’t.” 

Tony suddenly feels like he’s going to throw up. “Brad, I–” 

“It’s okay, Tony,” says Brad, sitting down. “Go be with him.” 

Tony walks out of Monet’s without another word.

* * *

 

When Tony returns home, his mother is sitting at the table, writing something down. “Your novio’s not awake yet,” she says. “I made him a bowl. It’s still warm.” 

“Can I take it up to him?” he asks. 

“Of course, mijo,” she says. “Go get him.” 

Tony takes the bowl of  _ avena  _ and sticks a spoon in it, walks up the stairs to his room, and pushes the door open. Clay’s sprawled out on the bed, still sleeping. 

Tony sets the bowl on the dresser, and crouches next to the bed. He runs a hand through Clay’s hair, traces his features with his hands. “Wake up, baby,” he says. “Time to get up.” 

Clay wiggles around a bit before he opens his eyes. “You’re back,” he says, and God, if his waking up voice isn’t the sexiest thing Tony’s ever heard. 

“I’m back, baby,” he says. “I have breakfast if you want it.” Clay wrinkles his nose at the mention of food. “I promise it’s good, baby,” he says. “Easy on the stomach, too.” 

Clay sits up, cooperates a little, and lets Tony spoon-feed him the spiced oatmeal. He eats slowly, but he manages to finish the whole bowl. “Good job, baby,” Tony praises. 

“Thank you,” whispers Clay. 

“You should probably take a shower,” says Tony. Clay nods, allows himself to be pulled out of bed, lets himself be weak and need Tony’s help. Tony turns on the shower for him, kisses his forehead, drops a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on the bathroom counter, leaves a clean towel on the closed lid of the toilet. “I’ll be in my room, baby.” 

Tony makes the bed, puts his and Clay’s dirty clothes in the hamper, brings the dirty breakfast bowl to the kitchen. He calls Mrs. Jensen again, tells her that Clay’s going to be helping him with some things today, that he’ll be home in time for dinner. 

When he gets back up to his room, Clay’s just out of the shower, his hair still dripping wet. “Hi,” he says, uncertainly. 

“Hi, baby,” says Tony. “Clay.” 

“Yes?” Clay asks, eyes wide. 

“Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Clay flushes, stutters his way through a response. “Yes, but– Brad, I thought–” 

“Relax, baby,” says Tony. “We broke up. This morning actually.” 

“But–” 

“No ‘but’s, baby,” says Tony. “It was a long time coming. We both knew it. So, what do you say?” 

Clay smiles. “Of course.” 

Tony takes a few steps forward, grabs Clay’s waist, pulls him to his chest, and kisses him. It’s not a long kiss, nor particularly passionate, but it’s filled with feeling. 

“I love you, Clay,” Tony whispers against his lips. 

“I love you, Tony,” Clay whispers back. 


End file.
